Of Strawberry Condoms and Unwanted Interruptions
by HauntedMoonlight
Summary: In which Sakura's one horny girl, Sasuke learns more than he wants to know, and Naruto's just plain Naruto. SasuSaku OneShot


**A/N: **First things first: this is loosely based off/ inspired by a very well-written FanFic I read a while ago. Sadly, I don't quite recall the title or author, but it was a very good story.

This is my first time writing an entire story in the present tense, so I apologize for any slips in my grammar. I tend to prefer third-person narratives too, so this wasn't the easiest story to write.

**Title: **Of Condoms and Sex Ed **(May be changed in the future, as this is just the tentative title. Basically, that means I'm a lazy asshole who's too damn lazy to think of a title that makes sense and decides to take the easy way out.)**

**Summary: **In which Sakura is one horny girl, Sasuke learns more than he wants to know, and Naruto's just plain Naruto. SasuSaku

**Rating: **M for mentions of condoms and a sexually-suggesting scene.

**Pairings: **SasuSaku, implied NaruHina

**Warnings/Notes: **The Uchiha Massacre is largely ignored; Sasuke and Sakura are both sixteen and there are no mentions of him defecting from Konoha.

**Disclaimer: **Naruto belongs 100 percent to its rightful owners. This will not be used for profit anyway, anyhow.

_Read; Enjoy; Review!_

* * *

I sit on a log, watching my boyfriend of six months train like he was preparing for a zombie apocalypse. Well, not _'watching' _him so much as '_intently gazing at' _him.

But hey, what's a girl to do when Uchiha Sasuke's her boyfriend…and he's training shirtless?

"Sasuke," I sing, curling a strand of hair around my index finger. I don't miss the flash of emotion that subtly flashes across his face. Whether it's lust or annoyance that I've interrupted his training, I can't tell. I hope for the former.

"Sakura?" Ever since we'd started dating, Sasuke's been that much nicer. Naruto claims it's due to all the sexual frustration being let out, but I know better. In the five months, three weeks, and six days since we've started going out, we haven't moved past second base, much to my chagrin.

"Sasuke, come take a break. You've been at it for hours already!"

"Hn." His grunt is as curt as always, but he obliges anyways, taking a seat on the log next to me. I shiver a little at the tingles that run up my spine.

As he chugs down the chilled bottle of water I'd brought along for him, I quietly tip-toe to a nearby tree. It's almost directly above Sasuke. _Perfect._

Being careful to keep my movements silent, I scale up the tree. "Hey, Sasuke!" I chirp.

I see him scan the surrounding area for me before looking up. He jumps ever so lightly, causing me to erupt in giggles.

Oh, now he's seething. "Sakura, get down! Now!"

"Bet you a kiss that you can't catch me!" I taunt.

"You do not want to make that bet, Sakura…"

"Oh, really?"

Just as Sasuke realizes what I plan on doing, I leap from the tree and into his arms. Even when caught off guard, he manages to both safely catch me and steady himself.

"I win," he whispers, his breath hot against my ears.

My arms are wrapped around his neck and he braces my thighs against him. It's funny; three years ago, I would've died and gone to fangirl heaven. Now I'm just amused and turned on. "I believe I owe you a kiss, hmm?"

I feel him stiffen against me, and my lips curl into a grin. I open my mouth to say something witty and mischievous—something that'll make him want to kiss me—but it's wholly unnecessary. My words of questionable wisdom are devoured by the feeling of his lips on mine.

It's my turn to stiffen and gasp as his tongue battles its way into my mouth. As if to further tease me, his hands let go of my thighs, causing me to topple to the soft grass. "Sasuke!" I cry in outrage.

He kneels on top of me and puts his mouth back on mine, effectively shutting me up, all the while running his hands up and down my sides.

As if to demonstrate my displeasure at being thrown down, I tear my lips from his and softly bite his collarbone. I'm tempted to pump my fists in the air when I hear Sasuke's groan. I'd regained the upper hand, and I'd be damned if I lost it.

I dot a line of hickeys along his collarbone and neck, until I reach his ear. Knowing his sensitivity there, I nibble his earlobe. "Sakura…"

In an instant, he grabs my wrists, which had been around his neck, and slams them into the grass above my head. I'm both appalled and turned on by his newfound aggression; eventually, my hornier side wins out and I subject myself to contentedly gasp and mew as Sasuke pays tribute to my neck.

His free hand slips under my shirt with practiced precision, but this is no make-out session on his sofa. This is the real deal, the home run, whatever you want to call it.

Faster than I can process, my shirt is thrown to the side. His hand grazes my nipple. I moan, then stop, surprised by the lust-filled sound that had just escaped past my lips. "_Mm_…I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke's not one for announcements of affection, so I'm moderately surprised when he concedes, "I love you, Sakura."

His lips capture mine again, and I manage to push myself up a bit, so I can stumble out of my skirt. Thank Kami I hadn't worn jeans or long pants. I can feel Sasuke's eyes on my well-toned body, and that fuels my need. Without a moment's hesitation, I grasp the zipper of his pants…

"What the fuck?" Instinctively, I cross my arms against my breasts, even though my bra is still intact.

"What in the name of Kami are you doing in broad daylight, teme?" An ashen, wide-eyed Naruto glares at Sasuke. Next to him is Kakashi, who doesn't seem the least bit perturbed.

"Hn…"

Taking it upon myself to explain, I manage to stammer out a few '_Um_'s and '_Well, you see_'s before desperately glancing at Kakashi for help.

"For starters, Sakura can get dressed," he says. I can distinctly make out the amusement in his voice.

I quickly pull on my skirt and slip my shirt back on. Sasuke just stands there helplessly in front of me, guarding my half-naked body from the prying eyes of a certain blond-haired teammate.

"…We'll go…train…" He mutters, grabbing my hand and making a move as if to run off. A hand on his shoulder stops him.

"Oh, you two aren't getting off _that_ easy," a grinning Kakashi smirks at the stricken Sasuke. "As your sensei, I'm obligated to ask…what kind of contraceptives were you planning on using?"

"Hn?" "What?" We stupidly ask in unison.

Kakashi facepalms, and Naruto coughs in what seems to be an attempt to hide his giggles. "Contraceptives! Birth control! Condoms! This might just be me guessing, but Sakura doesn't want to end up sixteen and pregnant…right?"

Now it's my turn to look stricken. "Oh, shit."

Kakashi rubs the bridge of his nose. "What am I going to do with you two?"

-oOoOo-

"Look, this isn't necessary," I growl.

Kakashi and Naruto just smirk at me infuriatingly. It's bad enough that they caught me going at it with Sakura, but now they're dragging me to buy condoms?

Please tell me this is all a bad genjutsu and I'll wake up in two hours with a bad taste in my mouth.

"No, this is not a genjutsu and you will not wake up in two hours with a bad taste in your mouth." Either I'd just said that out loud, or Kakashi just read my mind. "And you just said that out loud." Bingo.

"So, teme!" Great, the annoying blob of blonde stupidity decides to awaken. Just my luck. "Here's the pharmacy! This is where you go to buy condoms!"

A group of girls pass by. I don't miss their stares and giggles. "I get it, I get it. Can I go now?"

"Not so fast, Romeo," Naruto interjects. I swear, if his smile gets any wider…

_Never in my life have I wanted to punch someone so bad._

"It wouldn't be wise to murder your teammate in cold blood." Kakashi deadpans. My God, the man reads minds!

"Hn."

Somehow, the two of them manage to get me into the damned store. Once inside, I try to hide my face. I can almost hear the rumors…

"What type of condoms do you want, teme?" Could his voice get any louder? I grit my teeth and force myself to salvage the little pride I have remaining.

"…Don't care."

"Personally, I prefer the strawberry-flavored ones. Hina-chan says they taste good...But then the ribbed ones make her feel good, though they don't do much for me."

Apparently, my '_I am going to kill you and your future children_' death glare wasn't lost on Kakashi. "Naruto, I'll explain it. Basically, Sasuke, there are lots of condoms. For your pleasure, for her pleasure, super-thin ones—though I wouldn't recommend them, as they break easily during rough sex—flavored ones for oral, lubed ones…"

"…"

"And we can't forget about the warming condoms, they have this sensation…"

I have no idea what half of those things were, much less what they could be used for, but decide to go along with it to shorten my torture. "Okay."

"What are you going to get? I would recommend the flavored ones and the warming Hot'N'Cold ones."

"Hn."

"Although maybe you should check to see what size you are…"

No matter what the circumstances, I drew the line at measuring my penis. Over my dead body, period.

"Alright! I'll just…take all of them!" If the condom brands ever looked for an enthusiastic spokesperson, they'd find one in Kakashi.

And that was how I ended up walking out of a drug store with a transparent bag filled with condoms of all shapes, sizes, and flavors.

-oOoOo-

My emotions on Kakashi and Naruto walking in on us range from outrage to bemusement to relief.

I guess I should be glad that they caught us before we'd gone all the way and gotten myself pregnant. But I didn't know how I was going to look them in the eye ever again, much less on team missions…

Oh, the awkwardness.

I comfort myself by thinking of others' misfortunes. At least they hadn't commanded me to put on my shirt, grabbed both of my arms, and dragged me to the nearest pharmacy in broad daylight to buy condoms.

"Poor, poor Sasuke." I half-murmur, half-laugh. I'd never been so happy to have been born a girl.

"You called?"

I jump a little and glare accusingly at the grinning Uchiha. "Ha ha, very funny. How was your _trip_?"

He makes a face. "Let me put it this way…How would you like to stand in the birth control aisle at a crowded pharmacy while the dobe yells about his condom preferences and Kakashi slowly informs you about each and every type of condom there is?"

"That bad?"

"That bad," he confirms.

It's then that I notice the huge bag of condoms. "Whoa there. Did you end up robbing the place or what?"

The harrowing ordeal has apparently left Sasuke rather talkative, much to my amusement. "I wish. Instead, I had to stand in a long line with packs of condoms piled in my arms just so I could buy them all from the female cashier who, incidentally, called me a '_pig_' under her breath."

Not even under penalty of death would I be able to hold in my giggles. "Kami, Sasuke!"

Much to my surprise, he joins in with chuckles of his own. Somehow, the awkwardness of the whole situation descends upon us and we collapse in laughter; not at what had happened, but at the fact that neither of us can quite comprehend what had just happened.

"I can't believe Naruto's still breathing after what he put you through!"

Abruptly, all the comedy leaves his eyes, to be replaced with seriousness. "Sakura, you know the only reason I didn't dropkick Naruto to Sunagakure was because I love you. If this doesn't prove my feelings… nothing will."

"Aww, I love you too. Always have, always will. You know that." Grabbing the overflowing bag from his hands, I look into his onyx eyes lecherously.

"Now let's go find out just how much your sacrifice was worth."

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry if the ending was a bit disappointing; in my defense, I didn't say there would be a complete lemon. You can…fill in the blanks of the ending on your own.

If you liked, review! Reviews make me happy and keep me satisfied, and I try my best to reply to every non-anonymous one! Take note, anons!

Also, feel free to check out my other SasuSaku one-shots:

**Benefits of Horror Movies**

**Kissing Booth**

**Butterflies**

**Sasuke's Affair**

**Of Emerald Dresses and Broken Zippers**

**You've Been Prank'd**

**Hide and Seek**

**Beneath the Surface**

**Last Friday Night**

So yeah, check 'em out! Most are fluffy, funny little romantic stories.

_Thank you!_

~**Haunted**_Moonlight_~


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